If you are a single parent and you have found yourself suddenly single, you might be a bit hesitant to start dating right away. This is perfectly normal, as you are probably going through the many stages of grief that eventually lead to an acceptance of your situation. 
However, there is a point at which you will have to abandon self-pity and dust off your confidence and self-esteem so you can parade it before the world again. Although a certain mourning period is acceptable after a death or the break up of a marriage or long-term relationship, there are certain signs that you might be putting off the inevitable. 

For instance, if wolfing down a container of Ben and Jerry's every night seems like a more than adequate substitute for romance to you, then it might be time to get back into the dating scene. Also, one can only spend so many months talking to children only before one starts referring to car accidents as ''boo-boos'' and trips to the restroom as ''going pee pee.'' Sooner or later, you are going to have to talk to an adult who is of legal drinking age —whether you like it or not! 

As many single parents have not dated, since they wooed their exes, many are reluctant to get out there out of fear of being laughed at or rejected. Many of them feel as they have been shamed enough by their last partner. 

The first thing you must realize is that rejection is a normal, accepted part of the dating process and it is not personal. You are to consider any dates that don't work out as part of the process of finding a good relationship. No matter how desperate you feel about finding a father or mother for your child, the other person is allowed to say ''no.'' The problem with recently divorced single parents is that because their previous situation was usually so ugly, they don't have a strong enough ego to let rejections roll off their back. Decide right now that rejection is inevitable and that no matter what happens, you can handle it! 

In order to become this confident, happy and sexy person that others will want to date you first have to check any emotional baggage or chips that you may have on your shoulder at the door. Without the psychological muscle to dispense with these matters you will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, always talking about your ex or projecting bitter experiences and unpleasant qualities onto a newcomer. 

Make a rule with yourself that you are going to do your absolute best not to drag the past into new relationships, as there is no surer turn-off for a potential lover than a person who insists on living in the past. If letting go of the past seems like too much of a chore for you, you might be in need of some counseling so you can move on with your life. 

It is also important not to start dating for the wrong reasons. Some single parents think they are in competition with their ex, particularly if they were left for a younger partner. They also might be playing a game to prove to the ex that they are desirable by dating as many people as possible. In a nutshell, don't date for emotional revenge, to allay feelings of loneliness or to prove your desirability to others. 

Another illusion is that a new romantic partner can somehow fix what is broken in your day-to-day life. If you want a plumber, call a plumber. If you are looking for a babysitter, call a babysitter. If you need a loan, go to a bank. Don't expect your date or new partner to do these things for you. 

There's nothing sexier or more attractive than successful, healthy and happy people. They have a certain charisma about them. Neediness and desperation puts others off. Save any tendency to indulge in ''misery loves company'' for your support group and spare your date the bummer excuses for being single. 

When you are ready to date, perhaps the single most important thing you can do to enhance your confidence and self-esteem is to get a makeover. Color your hair, get a manicure and treat yourself to some new clothes. If you are overweight, adopt a fitness program. These measures will go a long way to enhance your attractiveness to others. 

When considering a potential date or partner, the single parent should check to see that the individual possesses the following qualities. 

First of all it is important that the person likes kids and is patient with their sometimes irritating behavior. Secondly, he or she should not try to discipline your kids for you, as the biological parent should always do this. Thirdly, the individual you are dating should be grown up enough to not be jealous of your children if you need to spend time with them. 

Your date or new partner should also realize that sleep-overs at your home are not a good idea at first. He or she should be amiable to the idea of being slowly introduced into your children's lives. 

Don't introduce the new person unless you think the relationship has long-term potential. New relationships might not work out, so wait a while before you introduce the new person to your children. Introducing many people in the children's life creates confusion and insecurity. It is also a bad idea to bring them along on dates, as children often resent people that they might perceive as replacing the real mother or father in their lives. 

The rule of thumb when getting back into the dating scene is to ''go slowly.'' A new person who is worth having in your life will understand your need to ease them slowly into your intimate family circle.